How to Let Go: A Simple Practice

To let go, you first notice what you’re holding, then you ease off, often with the help of a long, slow out-breath. It sounds simple, and it is. It isn’t always easy, but it gets easier with practice.

This guide is Week 2, Day 5 of 4 Weeks of Easy Bliss, the program in the Bliss app. Below you’ll find a one-minute experiment, why we hold on so tightly, and a short practice you can use today.

A one-minute experiment

Here’s a quick way to feel what holding on costs. Take a normal breath in and hold it, just a few seconds longer than feels natural. (Skip this if holding your breath is uncomfortable for you.)

Notice what happens. Your chest and throat tighten. The urge to breathe out grows stronger by the second. It’s hard to think about anything else.

Now breathe out, slowly and fully. Notice your chest and shoulders soften, and the small wave of relief.

Holding on to a grudge, a worry or a plan works in a similar way. The difference is that it happens in the mind, so we can keep it up for years without noticing the strain. It takes steady effort, and it quietly keeps part of our attention busy all day.

What are you holding?

Take a moment to ask yourself: what do I keep holding on to, even though I know it doesn’t make me happy?

For most people it’s nothing dramatic. Small things, held tightly:

• A plan for how the day, a person or your life should go, and the frustration when it doesn’t.
• A grudge against someone who hurt you, replayed again and again.
• A craving: one more snack, one more check of the phone, one more purchase.
• A worry you turn over and over, as if holding it tighter could solve it.

Each one feels important while you’re holding it. But the holding itself is what keeps you stuck, and it quietly uses up energy you could spend elsewhere.

The first step is simply to notice. No blame. Just “Ah, I’m holding on again.”

Why we hold on so tightly

We hold on because, somewhere along the way, we decided we need that thing in order to be okay. The plan has to work out. The other person has to apologize. The craving has to be fed. So letting go feels risky, as if we’d lose something we can’t do without.

Yet think back over the things you’ve wanted most. Getting them was lovely, and then, fairly soon, there was a next thing. The restlessness moved on to something new. Yogis noticed this long ago.

It is one of the human wonts that human beings are never satisfied with something finite. They are never satisfied with something limited.

Shrii Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar · Mysticism and Yoga, in Yoga Psychology

In the yogic view, this isn’t a flaw to be ashamed of. It’s a sign that what we’re really after is bigger than any single thing we could hold. Meditation is how yogis go looking for it, by turning inward. You don’t have to accept the whole philosophy to use the practice. You only have to notice when you’re holding on, and choose to ease off.

A simple letting-go practice

This practice uses the out-breath. Breathing out is the body’s own way of letting go: the chest falls, the shoulders drop, the muscles soften.

Letting go during the day

You can carry this practice with you. The moment you notice yourself tensing up, try one of these:

• Three long out-breaths. In the car, at your desk, in line at the shop. Let each one be slower than the last.
• Drop your shoulders. Let them fall away from your ears and loosen your jaw. The body often leads the mind.
• Ask one question. “Is holding this helping me?” If the honest answer is no, breathe out and set it down, even for a minute.

Some things will come back many times. That’s normal. Each time you notice and ease off again, the hold gets a little weaker.

What comes next

With the body softer and the mind a little lighter, you’re ready to look at the mind itself. In Week 3 we turn to a common question: what’s the difference between meditation and mindfulness? Read the next guide.